dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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