I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
