one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize