i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
