Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize