Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
