I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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