i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
