I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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