We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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