Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We left the knife in your bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
