i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
