Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
