i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
