don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
