everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
