I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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