This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
