there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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