Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
