Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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