Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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