WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
