How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
BRING THE BAGELS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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