New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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