That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
