it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize