I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
