Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
