we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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