You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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