You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
