I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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