Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
True strength comes from lack of pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
