That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
