Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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