You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize