There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize