For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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