We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
