I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize