I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
