uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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