Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
