i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you made out with another girl for some wings
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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