I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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