why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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