Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
