and you said cock pushups were impossible
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
