why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
