just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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