he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize