I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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