at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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