I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize