omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
