you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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