I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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