Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
