all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
