I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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