i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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