I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dicks are not precious.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
