can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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