my vag is so smooth its legendary
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
