I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
