Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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