I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
