im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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