i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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