I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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