in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
