My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
