shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she looked like the before picture.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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