Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize