the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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