You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
