Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
