8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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