wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
