You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
