If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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