I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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