if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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