You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
