I have demons in me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
