I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
