You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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