I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize