i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
