You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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