Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
