mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
