Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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