He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
