That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
