I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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