dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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