Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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