Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
