Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
