my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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