I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
