I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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