dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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