By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
