Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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