I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
