Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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