Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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