I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
