Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
