My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
